Glasses
by Aoi Shoudou
Summary: Worst title ever, anyone? One-shot humor fanfic about a certain naginata-bearing girl losing her glasses.


Glasses  
  
A/N: This will be nothing more than a one-shot humor fanfic for all three Sanae Y. fans in the audience. I'd like to thank my good friend and all-around Suikoden mofo Kate (Zell's Lollipop Ninja) for beta reading and all that good stuff. Check out her Borus/Yumi epic Remnants Of The Sky for a good read!  
  
Sanae Yamamoto stumbled about the musty old library, tripping over a copy of "Taraq's List Of Finds" and stumbling at the blurry feet of an unidentifiable woman. "Do you know where my glasses are, Lady Elaine?"  
  
Estella, taking offense to the fact that Sanae had gotten her mixed up with that blonde tramp, scowled at the blind little girl.   
  
"Why, as a matter of fact, Sanae, I have seen them. The leprechauns at the edge of Zexen Forest took them to their magical village of Rogrog. You'll have to bring them three red peppers as a tribute and then spin around in a circle yelling 'Bring me my glasses, foul imps of the woods!' three times, and then in a matter of seconds you'll be as good as new!" An expression of joy and relief alighted Sanae's face.  
  
"Thank you so much, Lady Elaine!" she cried, and ran away, only to run into the wall to the right of the ajar door. Unfazed, Estella returned to the copy of the castle newspaper that she was perusing.   
  
In the hall outside the library, a bored Kidd happened upon Sanae; in actuality, she had ran smack into him, sending them both crashing to the floor. Sanae got up and bowed apologetically to the cactus resting on the shelf.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Sergeant Joe!" she said tearfully to the cactus. "See, I'm missing my glasses and I can't see a thing without them and -"  
  
"Sanae?" interjected Kid slowly. "You're talking to a cactus."  
  
"...oh."  
  
"Do you need any help finding your glasses? Remember, no case is too small for the great detective Kidd!"  
  
"No, that's quite alright. I already know where they are! I have to get to the magical village of Rogrog right away!" Kidd looked at the blissfully unaware Sanae; it appeared that someone, most likely the pink-haired witch, had pulled the wool over her myopic little eyes. He sighed.  
  
"Um, Sanae...have you been listening to Estella's stories again?"  
  
"No, what makes you think that? Not to mean any disrespect, but we all know Estella lies. Lady Elaine, on the other hand, now there's a kindly woman." Kidd shook his head.  
  
"Come on, Sanae, we're gonna find your glasses now." Kidd took Sanae by the wrist, and despite her insistent cries of "But we have to stop the leprechauns!" he forcefully took her about Budehuc Castle to inquire the residents.   
  
"Why, Sir Joker! How nice to see you here! Have you seen my glasses?" Kidd looked on as Sanae attempted to have a friendly conversation with the nearby bag of vegetables, when he caught sight of someone who might be able to help him.   
  
"Iku, have you seen Sanae's glasses? She's completely blind without them and I'm trying to help her find them."   
  
Iku, who was aiding Doctor Tuta and Nurse Mio with sick patients at the top floor of the inn, turned to Kidd. She shook her head sadly and turned away, but then turned back around very suddenly with the expression of one struck with an idea.  
  
"Here, try these." Iku reached up at the top of a cabinet, lined with the dust of disuse, and took a pair of spectacles lying there. She knelt down and tucked them behind Sanae's ears, a smile crossing her angular face.   
  
Sanae looked extremely disoriented. The glasses were way too large for her and weren't the correct type at all. Everything had become a whirl of sickening colors and textures; she had never experienced anything like it. Sanae, confused by the psychedelic bursts of radiance before her, began to spin around, which progressively made things even worse. Eventually, she gathered the clarity of mind to take off the offending glasses, but she looked terribly green in the face and, before anyone knew it, her poor stomach finally quailed.  
  
She barfed all over Iku's shiny leather boots.   
  
Iku let out a weird cry of some mix between disgust and horror and took three steps back from the nauseous Sanae, tripping over a stool in her haste and falling flat on her back. Sprawled on the ground, the purple-haired girl emitted a cry of pain and confusion. Nurse Mio, who'd been tending to patients in another room, was alarmed by the commotion and dashed into the makeshift infirmary. She saw a green-in-the-face Sanae and Iku lying on the ground with puke-covered boots and hesitantly called: "T...Tuta! I'm going to need some help in here!" Kidd shook his head yet again.  
  
  
  
Once again, Kidd and Sanae returned to the Budehuc Castle grounds, Sanae now equipped with a bottle of stomach medicine. Kidd figured that by the time he did find Sanae's glasses he would need some headache reliever, but in the meantime he had yet to get so much as a lead. The two sat on the edge of the beautiful old fountain in the courtyard in order to take a breather (and to provide Sanae with somewhere to vomit should the need arise). After a few moments of silence, the raven-haired girl turned to her gumshoe compatriot and asked: "Who would want to take my glasses, though, sir Kidd?"  
  
"How do you know someone took them? What if you'd just misplaced them somewhere?"   
  
"Because I quite distinctly remember putting them on my nightstand when I went to sleep last night, and when I had woken up the next morning, they were gone!" exclaimed Sanae in her thick Dunan accent. Kidd stroked his chin and then stood up quickly.   
  
"Well, Miss Sanae Yamamoto! Indeed, this appears to be a case of most malevolent proportions!" He looked around him; the sunny Budehuc Castle, with its many springtime birds happily chirping, simply did not cast the right atmosphere at all. Again he stroked his chin and called out:  
  
"NEI! TOPPO! SHABONNNNNN!" Immediately, the three buskers were at his side, instruments readied. "Sanae's glasses have been stolen, have you seen them by any chance?"  
  
"No, sir Kidd."  
  
"..."  
  
"Shabon has not seen them!"   
  
"Well, drat," mused Kidd to himself. "Well, in that case, could you...follow me around and play moody detective music until we do find them?"  
  
"No" was the unanimous reply from the three busy bards. Kidd shrugged his shoulders, and the buskers left once again for their stage at the bar. Sanae giggled.   
  
"So then...do you have any ideas as to who took the glasses?" Kidd inquired. Sanae fell quiet for a few seconds, and then opened her mouth slowly.  
  
"I think Landis took them! He's scary! He's always walking outside of my room, talking about dandelions and giggling to himself. Oh, oh, and he's mean too; he keeps pulling Connie's tail whenever she doesn't let him have any of the strawberries in her bag. I can't say I blame her." Kidd himself was a little frightened of the Winghorde, but he decided to investigate Landis's belongings regardless.   
  
"Come on, Sanae, we're going to Landis's room."  
  
"No, Kidd! I don't want to! If he catches me...he'll eat me or something!"  
  
"Sanae, please, I can't leave you alone -" But Sanae's look of unmitigated horror was simply too much for Kidd to bear, and he finally gave in. "Alright. But you have to stay here. I don't need you wandering off into Kathy's ranch and getting kicked by a horse who you'd think was Wan Fu." Sanae giggled again and nodded her approval, and Kidd dashed back towards old Budehuc Castle.   
  
Kidd, meanwhile, was rummaging through Landis's dark, musty room. He had found nothing worth noting in the dressers, except a few rotting fish and a huge wedge of cheese. Both products reeked, and Kidd quickly shut the dresser with a cry of disgust. All of the other dressers were completely empty. Kidd, shrugging his shoulders, turned to leave, before he saw a rather inconspicuous brown suitcase resting on a chair. He dashed over to it and opened the latches with a click. Lo and behold, Sanae Yamamoto's glasses were there, resting on what looked like one of Elaine's articles of lingerie. Not questioning how Elaine's delicates had ended up in Landis's belongings, he quickly took the classes, returned the suitcase to its position and turned to leave the door - only to find himself staring eye to eye with Landis, who wore a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Oh! Landis! Fancy seeing you here...in your...room...heheh..." Kidd was now extremely off guard. Landis, his grin not changing, simply giggled his eerie giggle and shuffled out of the room. Kidd shrugged his shoulders and ran out of the castle to meet Sanae, glasses in hand.  
  
Sanae Y., meanwhile, was still sitting on the lip of the fountain; she started to grow rather bored. She had attempted to practice with her naginata, but after nearly lopping a rather alarmed Muto's head off and breaking a large jug of liquor Anne was transporting, Thomas had confiscated it on their request. Suddenly, she heard rushed footsteps in her direction, and she saw someone who was unmistakable whether you were half-blind or not: Nadir.  
  
"Sanae, where have you been?! You're playing the part of Juliet in today's play! Didn't you remember?" Sanae gasped in alarm. Indeed, she had completely forgotten her lead role.  
  
"Nadir, I can't find my glasses and -"  
  
"That doesn't matter, we have absolutely no time! Come on, hurry!" And with that, he took Sanae, whose explanations fell on deaf ears, by the wrist and took her as quickly as possible to the castle.   
  
  
  
"Sanae! Sanae! I found your glasses and - oh..." Kidd, who had returned to the fountain where he had instructed the Dunan girl to stay, saw that she had left.   
  
"Drat! I told her to stay there! Where could she be...?"  
  
  
  
Nadir's daytime showing of 'The Epic Tale of Romeo And Juliet' had just begun, and Sanae was still without her glasses. She had assumed her place on the tower balcony; looking down below, everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get their makeup on, to don their costumes, to completely master their scripts. Toppo, who was in charge of lighting for the stage, looked extremely hurried, and the costumer Nei was frantically sewing buttons back onto the costume of Borus, who was playing Romeo. Sanae ran through her lines again in her mind and took a deep breath as the velvet curtains were drawn.   
  
"My lord Romeo, my lord Romeo. Wherefore art thou, my l -" Sanae stopped suddenly, seeing in her hampered vision the figure of Rody instead of Percival. "Rody?! What are you doing down there? You're the nurse!" she hissed down to Percival. Percival looked confusedly at Sanae. Rody stepped out onto the balcony and whispered "Sanae, I'm right here!" Sanae, surprised by his sudden response, gave a gasp and took a few steps backwards, nearly falling off the balcony. She then realized that, despite her inability to tell the difference between one person and another, that everyone was in their correct positions. Audible murmurs arose from the audience, and Sanae attempted to deliver the rest of her lines, but she had completely blanked out. Sebastian attempted to prompt Sanae from behind-stage, but to no avail. Percival finally continued on with his own lines.  
  
"I take you at your word: tell me that you love me, and I'll be rebaptized; henceforth I will never be Romeo." Sanae, however, was no longer focused on the play. She gave a cry of delight as she saw Kidd, dashing through the audience and crying "Sanae! Sanae, I've got your glasses!" Sanae scurried down the tower stairs, completely neglecting the fact that the audience was talking and laughing about her antics, and met Kidd center stage. Kidd took the glasses from his pocket and slipped them behind Sanae's ears. Sanae, her vision restored, cried out "Kidd, thank you so much! How can I ever repay you?!" and threw her arms around him. He grinned to himself. A great cheer arose from the slightly confused but still happy audience.   
  
With a great groan, the cardboard stage gave a lurch, and the various cast members ran off stage, except for Kidd and Sanae, who were completely oblivious in their embrace. It gave one final creak, and then completely fell over, crushing the two. The play was ruined, but they didn't care, nor did the ecstatic audience. Nadir gave a cry of frustration and buried his face in his hands.  
  
A/N: Well, that turned out with a little bit of romance at the end =P Oh well. Anyway, I hope this was at least moderately entertaining. I like it, at least. Until the next time ^_- 


End file.
